Bad dream ever...

Just now, I got up from a very deep sleep after finished a very long class today. I admit that today class is such a long class I ever used to before. From the early morning to the late evening. And so everyone are so exhausted just the same as me.

Ok, let go to the point. I had a dream, a bad dream, a very bad dream. I know, it was just a dream but it was like a real to blast me out from the bed with a shouted noise. I realized that, I was wet by sweat, hard sweat and I could feel the tear covered all my face. My whole body was still but tremble and shock. I don't wanna tell about what that shit dream was, I don't wanna mention about it!!

Frankly, this few days after I arrived back, I've never had a good feeling at all. I can sense something that not so secure around me. I feel that I'm not alright, I feel that sometime went wrong, I feel like I was followed by something. I was lost already when my good friends walked out from me when they realized something bad about me just by their side. And they decided to give up everything with me. I have no idea, just I feel a little bid awkward to let them go without any complaint. But what can I do besides keeping silent like this??

These couple days, it was a hard time for me to sleep at the night. I'm afraid of everything around me, I'm afraid to sleep, I'm afraid to close my eyes. So I decide to take those sleeping time doing something else like reading, writing or listening to music. I was always thinking and worrying about my bestfriend because I found that he sleeps too late at night, too too late. It's not good at all, it may harm his health and somehow it will lead to another disease of his internal factor. I tried to tell him, just to sleep early. But it seems like he never want to. hmmmmm......:-(

I have many of bestfriend, but most of the time he maybe the one that I can rely on when I face with the hard thing. He is so kind but I'm afraid he will turn his everything out just like my dream at the moment. Ok, it's just a dream. My AFBF is still my AFBF!!

He promised to be the one for me, and so do I. "Good friends are like that, it's what I can feel".

Still in the question in my head, I'm thinking about, if I should go or not to Mondulkiri this coming week?

It's not because I'm worry about my health problem. I'm sure I will be fine with that, I can fight with it because I believe. What I'm thinking is I'm afraid to bother my friends that gonna join this trip......:-(

I'm afraid of sleeping alone, I'm afraid to face with the lonesome night at different place from home while everyone is sleeping.

It's a trip, why they have to care about me, why they have to thinking all the time about me,........

I sometimes need the care, but just asking me that I'm fine or not, it would be enough. I love when you ask me that, "Seth, are you feeling alright?". It's like a pure medicine to heal with all my hardship inside....

Now, it may be the right time for me to read books again. I miss my facebook so bad. Until now, I still cant find the password that I've already forget. It's shame that you forget your own password, but I did. I realized that I forget alots as well. I sometimes even forget where I am, or who I am.......Ok, it's so complicate to explain.

I hope I'm not going to lost everything like my dream was. I hope and wish that I'm not going to lost my memory....Please!