An awful liar

I cant't sleep tonight, I don't know why. I've just found myself login into my old blog and everything that I've been in love before. It seems to me that these few months, I've faced with many many things or I can say that the very hard time ever in my life. And because of these few months, I've learn to be me, I've learn to be Piseth, who everyone around him wish him to be. I've learn many good and priceless lessons and I will never forget it.

It was hard time for me to face with many obstacles and nightmares. I've been afraid even to close my eyes and sleep. I've afraid to see people around me. I've afraid to tell my beloved people that I'm fine. I've been afraid to be me.
I afraid to sleep and I afraid that I will never have chance to open my eyes again. I had a nightmare eveytime I sleep of losing you guys. I was afraid to leave. And these few month, I was about to disappear already.
Last week, I can say that it was a very hard time for me ever to confront, to live my life on. I was suddenly cried when I can survived, when I managed myself to get up again. It's was an incomparably happy, and the first impression of mine at that time is my friends. I was so happy cause I can be back to see them again.
BUT, everything turn wrong, completely wrong from what I thought. I supposed to give them a big smile, to tell them that, "My Friends, I miss you, I want to hug you". It's not like I wanted at all.
They convey my hardship into a lie, an awful lie, a beautiful lie. They turn my big commitment into a shit, they turn my challenge into a weak one. They turn me in to an EVIL.
Why? I wonder why? Are you my friends? Are you my Best friend?
Can you just take a second to think a bit about it? Can you?
Do you ever know? I would rather die, than to be a liar....T.T
And I would rather die to make my bestfriends cry because of me. Everything you've given me so far, were like a sharp sword!!!
IT's REALLY HURT ME SO BAD my friend, I've never imagined about that. I would confront with any very hardships on earth but I really cant to see you walking away from me and tell me that I'm a liar, a sweet liar, an EVIL T.T
What's for? Why I have to do so? Why I have to do that to all my beloved people?
You hurt me, And it was so deep hurt...
I don't want to explain, I don't want to fight, I don want to say anything just to tell you that I was right. I don't need to do so. You can judge me, or see me as much as you like. Please see me as a liar, cuz I was already a liar.
So far, I'm so thankful for everything you did for me. Even now, you may regret to do all those things, but I would say that those are the straight for me hold on.
Thanks to be with me, Thanks for giving me hope, Thanks to be sweet and kind to a liar as me.
I'm sorry to hurt you that much, I'm sorry to be your bad friend, I'm sorry to be the one that always give you troubles.


"My AFBF, My BCBF, My MBBF, Cheata, KUNNA, you all are always my hero, my idols"
I love you, I can leave everything, I can lost everything, I can give up anything but not you guys. Please promise me that, you always are, please promise to be the one for me, please promise to give me a way to walk together in the future, please tell the world that I'm your good friend. CUZ WITHOUT YOU GUYS, MY WORLD IS SO EMPTY.
Please always with me when I open my eyes to the world T.T
Thanks,
Piseth CHANTY
I would be a loser for you guys...