There are some things that I really want to say to you... to express to you... but I don't know how. Aside from simply coming up to you and saying them, there really is no way to tell you how I feel. So I won't. My ideas, due to the poor means of communication words provide, might be misunderstood and cause our relationship to become uncomfortable. So, I've decided not to tell you. And I'll compose and publish my letter here.
First, I love you. I always have, and I always will. My love for you is deep and permanent, and while non-sexual, it is true love for best friend. I could never sleep with you cause it would destroy and alter something that I can't specifically name. But I wish I could curl up next to you and fall asleep quite easily. It's hard for me to sleep but if only you are by my side, I believe it won't getting hard just like I am now. My love is boundless. Again, it's not a love for men and women but it's a true love of best friend who can share everything even better than our 100 years soul-mate. Your character is fascinating, and I can only hope to continue to be an important part of your life for as long as you are an important part of mine.
You have always been such a wonderful protective and supportive person to me... you have been with me and been there for me ever since I met you. You were there for me when I was in love, in pain, in confusion. You've had more faith in me than I have ever had in myself... and I am endlessly grateful for that. You've provided me with an anchor of support, if not always sanity. With you, I feel that there are emotional things that will not change, even if our two separate lives do change on their own. I feel like there is something real and permanent about my love for you. It is like the sky when the mountains may crumble. It is like a background in front of which I will assume the various characters and personalities that this world directs me to.
There is nothing in this world that I would not do for you. I trust you with everything I have, and everything I am. I believe that you know this... and that you have known this for a long time.
I can only speculate on where these feelings came from. I might imagine that you are a kind of soul-sibling... and that we've been together for multiple lives. Mutual and equal trust... as if we were employed to do the same task, and to do it together. In a world of lies and deception, you were the only one I trusted, and I was the only one that you could trust. Images and ideas similar to this have struck home with me and reminded me of you. I'm not your soul mate... and you are not mine. But I believe that we have known each other for an inconceivably long time.
Second, I hate you!
You always drive me crazy with your carelessness, and negligence. You've never asked me what I want, and what I really feel. You've just assume something and make it happen. You know, sometimes, it hurts me a lots, to see you, the one that I love the most convey me in a very wrong me, it's misjudge...
You never spend even a second asking me about my problem, you've never wanted to listen to my problem but you always said, "Seth, you're thinking to much".
You never spare your time just to be with me and let me cry on your shoulder and telling you about my hardest moment I've ever confront.
You've never see me in a good way. All I did, to you was just something boring and annoying or just to be attractive. T.T
You always keep me aside from you while I always want to be with you to talk to you. You know I am lonely, you really care but you just call up someone else to accompany through my loneliness. Why it's not you??? I'm to greedy just to be with you??
I'm hurt and crying inside when you leaving me with ur very reasonable reason. I would say that, the world is meaningless to me if there is without you...
Third, I can't be here any longer.
This is the reason that I always ignore all your fault I mentioned above. Life is getting shorter and shorter and much more serious every moment. I'm hiding it from you, cuz it hurts enough for me alone to confront with it. I don't want you to feel that burden even just a second cause it's HURT.
I would smile to you even you have to kill me one day. I'm not going to fight with you nor giving you my anger. I wish to be a loser for you cause you are everything to me, and nomatter what.
I want to tell you these things. Perhaps someday I will tell you. Perhaps someday you'll see this, and I'll never know. However it happens, I want you to know that I love you, and that I'll always be there for you above any other person, be it lover, boyfriend, dream or depression. I count myself among the luckiest souls in the universe for meeting you. Thank you for being here for me.
If I really have to go, please remember that, I found you (Vanara, Kunna, Cheata) are the best to me and also the worst. And I wish to meet you again in my another life...
Be strong,
Piseth
P.S: Love is Love, there is no reason to love but this love was just for YOU and ME.
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