Well, I feel like I’m always find myself here at my blog whenever I’m down, blue, desperate and nowhere to go, while I seem to spend my happy and joyful moment at the other places and fake people. I’m so sorry for you my blog but I can only think of you whenever I’m down. And to me, you're the one that understand me the most.
Today, it’s started to be another disappointed day….
I rushed back home from ERA with my beloved car together with the super traffic jam. It took me almost 1 hour just from there to my house and since I was already late from school, then I finally arrived home at around 7:10pm. My head was only about my statistic assignment, I have to submit it tonight by mail. Actually I already did it last nite and also sent to my classmate bestfriend asking for feedback (I’m not really good at that calculate things frankly), but I skipped the e, and f section of part 2 of the assignment (I’m not sure with it). I was told to edit some parts, and well the some missing parts still not mentioned (I supposed he might give me some clues).
Since, the missing part is still not completed, just after I packed my car, I run up into my room and start to complete it. I admitted that it’s the hard one but I can handle it by surfing on internet (I guess I’m good at it). Suddenly, soon after I was about to send to lecturer, black!! It was black-out, the electricity is just gone always. I was staring at my PC which is about to black-out too, I then started to save it and hibernate it for a moment hoping that the light will come back soon.
I moved my head to the bed beside my study desk, texted to my friend telling what’s happening. Then I fell asleep (such a tiring day, from early morning...). I woke up with the sound of text from my friend, and well the light still out…
9pm, 10pm, 11pm, 11:30pm…..Still dark!!
I don’t think I could submit my assignment on time so I laid back to the bed and tried to sleep for tomorrow early class and to submit my assignment. I got the message from my classmate bffz that he finally did it and already submitted. He told me that it’s okie for me to submit tomorrow....
I don’t know why, the last phrase suddenly disappointed me. I at the moment expected that he would ask to submit the assignment instead of me(since I already did some parts), or he might say well, I already sent you the sample of the last part that you haven’t done. Or sth else…as he knew well that I’m not really good at such thing and plus my electricity went out.
I really understand that he is busy, he is family occupied, he got many things to do and so on...
I feel that whatever, whenever, he atleast have me behind to accompany even sometimes I was mad but I never leave him or any bff behind. But me, when I had nowhere, when I faced with difficulties, when I had problem, all I can do is myself, I have to do everything by my own, I have to endure the hardships, I have to fight, and there's still me. No one ever understand me, no one ever atleast try my shoes, no one with me, there's always me alone.
I'm tired, I'm dying inside, I'm sorrow with many hardship that people may not understand. I try to be find, to be Okie, or tell ppl that I'm clever enough even I'm not. I wish I could be alone, I wish I could be somewhere else that no one could recognize me.....[I wish]
I’m sure, and I swear to the god that if I was him, I would try to help my friend that insisted for the help, even I’m busy to death…
It reminds abt the recently, how I was trying to search & looking for infos to support his Law presentation, how I run to his house to give him explanation with a sheet of summarize paper hoping that he would have a good understanding…(I know those can't help him much, those are not really important as he could find by himself as well, but to me, I tried hard to get it just one hope that it would atleast help).
I feel like all I did to my friends is about understanding while what they did to me is just an obligation without the willingness(or else?). Maybe they defined the "Friendship"difference from me. When I try to be kind, to be available, to be helpful, all I can get was just I'm too much, I'm annoying, I'm boring, I'm wired, (I should married!!, it's really end up me when I got this words from my bffz).
I never can get me right infront of them, I'm all alone T.T
It’s a silly feeling, or I’m just too much expected…
People told me to be independent, but I just can’t, I admitted that I’m getting alone days by days, and isolated. Because every time I try to get close to ppl, I feel that they try to go away, just a little bit not close to me. I'm really something?
Well, it might not a matter, I just feel disappointed, and I want to write it here hoping that I would change, from me now to another new person, to be more independent, for atleast think about myself more than others(as now, I really devote my part for ppl).
I hope that one day I could find my inner peace and the people who understand me just a little bit more then I understand myself, and I wish that true friend really exist.
P.S: The light went back at 1:30am and I already submitted my paper work to lecturer...
Today, it’s started to be another disappointed day….
I rushed back home from ERA with my beloved car together with the super traffic jam. It took me almost 1 hour just from there to my house and since I was already late from school, then I finally arrived home at around 7:10pm. My head was only about my statistic assignment, I have to submit it tonight by mail. Actually I already did it last nite and also sent to my classmate bestfriend asking for feedback (I’m not really good at that calculate things frankly), but I skipped the e, and f section of part 2 of the assignment (I’m not sure with it). I was told to edit some parts, and well the some missing parts still not mentioned (I supposed he might give me some clues).
Since, the missing part is still not completed, just after I packed my car, I run up into my room and start to complete it. I admitted that it’s the hard one but I can handle it by surfing on internet (I guess I’m good at it). Suddenly, soon after I was about to send to lecturer, black!! It was black-out, the electricity is just gone always. I was staring at my PC which is about to black-out too, I then started to save it and hibernate it for a moment hoping that the light will come back soon.
I moved my head to the bed beside my study desk, texted to my friend telling what’s happening. Then I fell asleep (such a tiring day, from early morning...). I woke up with the sound of text from my friend, and well the light still out…
9pm, 10pm, 11pm, 11:30pm…..Still dark!!
I don’t think I could submit my assignment on time so I laid back to the bed and tried to sleep for tomorrow early class and to submit my assignment. I got the message from my classmate bffz that he finally did it and already submitted. He told me that it’s okie for me to submit tomorrow....
I don’t know why, the last phrase suddenly disappointed me. I at the moment expected that he would ask to submit the assignment instead of me(since I already did some parts), or he might say well, I already sent you the sample of the last part that you haven’t done. Or sth else…as he knew well that I’m not really good at such thing and plus my electricity went out.
I really understand that he is busy, he is family occupied, he got many things to do and so on...
I feel that whatever, whenever, he atleast have me behind to accompany even sometimes I was mad but I never leave him or any bff behind. But me, when I had nowhere, when I faced with difficulties, when I had problem, all I can do is myself, I have to do everything by my own, I have to endure the hardships, I have to fight, and there's still me. No one ever understand me, no one ever atleast try my shoes, no one with me, there's always me alone.
I'm tired, I'm dying inside, I'm sorrow with many hardship that people may not understand. I try to be find, to be Okie, or tell ppl that I'm clever enough even I'm not. I wish I could be alone, I wish I could be somewhere else that no one could recognize me.....[I wish]
I’m sure, and I swear to the god that if I was him, I would try to help my friend that insisted for the help, even I’m busy to death…
It reminds abt the recently, how I was trying to search & looking for infos to support his Law presentation, how I run to his house to give him explanation with a sheet of summarize paper hoping that he would have a good understanding…(I know those can't help him much, those are not really important as he could find by himself as well, but to me, I tried hard to get it just one hope that it would atleast help).
I feel like all I did to my friends is about understanding while what they did to me is just an obligation without the willingness(or else?). Maybe they defined the "Friendship"difference from me. When I try to be kind, to be available, to be helpful, all I can get was just I'm too much, I'm annoying, I'm boring, I'm wired, (I should married!!, it's really end up me when I got this words from my bffz).
I never can get me right infront of them, I'm all alone T.T
It’s a silly feeling, or I’m just too much expected…
People told me to be independent, but I just can’t, I admitted that I’m getting alone days by days, and isolated. Because every time I try to get close to ppl, I feel that they try to go away, just a little bit not close to me. I'm really something?
Well, it might not a matter, I just feel disappointed, and I want to write it here hoping that I would change, from me now to another new person, to be more independent, for atleast think about myself more than others(as now, I really devote my part for ppl).
I hope that one day I could find my inner peace and the people who understand me just a little bit more then I understand myself, and I wish that true friend really exist.
P.S: The light went back at 1:30am and I already submitted my paper work to lecturer...
